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SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) Redhat Dear SFKL, u have advised me b4 this.... please help again. After being separated for 1 and a half year, in spite of me asking my idiotic wife (IW) to patch back... numerous times, for the sake of our kids, to which she never responded who happens to hold a LLB, which she would not acquired without the help of my parents & me... had sent me a notice via her friend for a possible joint petition. I had responded to it and met her friend and expressed the terms that i am agreeable for the petition to go ahead. That was almost two months ago. Myself...a normal clerk wrote to my IW's friends firm three times, to which the firm finally responded via their receptionist and informed me via phone that the firm is still acting for her and that the firm is still waiting for my IW's response! That was about a week ago. I now want to go ahead with the divorce. Getting sick and tired of my IW's attitude i yesterday went to our matrimonial home, which my kids and her are living and wanted to tell her that if she does not move on with the divorce...I will move back into the house (which she doesn't want)and live there again as nobody can stop me from doing so..as the property is jointly owned. Hoping that she will move on with the divorce. But the moment i asked my kid of her... she just walked out of the house. Having left with no choice... i told my 13 year old kid to inform her of my intentions. To which she responded by scolding and hitting my kids for no reason and told my kid that she does not have money to go ahead with the divorce. Pleaseeee advice on how to get her to move on with the divorce, after all she is the one who initiated it. 14 Jul, 2010 22:38:27

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) SFKL Your child is only 13 years old. Why involve the poor kid? Write her a note, SMS her or just wait for her instead of passing the responsibility to your child, forcing him or her to choose sides. That's not fair to your child. "Pleaseeee advice on how to get her to move on with the divorce, after all she is the one who initiated it." A divorce petition can be initiated by husband or by wife or by both, meaning it doesn't matter if she initiated first. If she says she has no money to proceed and she doesn't despite the hostile environment, let's just assume she really can't afford it. So now you have to consider 1. do you want to divorce more than her 2. do you want to get this over with fast 3. do you want to get back with her If it is yes, yes and no way, then you now have a choice] a. YOU initiate the divorce by single petition. But why do that if both of you can discuss terms and you want it fast? so alternatively b. you pay half the fees I know you must think she asked for divorce first, she should pay. Well to a lawyer it doesn't matter who pays, as long as you all pay. You can share the cost with her, because I am sure it isn't cheap where she asked or you can find one, call her up and say you pay half and I pay half. Just make sure she quickly pays her half on the day of signing or before that. However the reason why she delays is because she doesn't want to divorce, your only option is (a). Take note! A joint petition means must agree to all terms, not just divorce AND both of you must attend court on hearing date. 16 Jul, 2010 10:14:57

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) Redhat Thxs SFKL....I guess i shouldnt have involved my kid. I will apologize to my kid. So if i am right what you r saying is, that under family law its ok for one party to initiate a divorce and just ignore it and there's nothing legally wrong about it. Please correct if i am wrong. * should i write to her solicitors and ask them to confirm on as to whether they are still acting for her or should i just ignore them, since they did not respond to my earlier letter in writing. *I am thinking of writing to her, for her to clarify on what her position is in the matter. I asume its ok if i write to her directly even if her sols are still acting for her, since we are still legally married. Please correct me if i'm wrong. *I qualify for legal aid. So if i go and register my self for a JP, can she be accepted under the legal aid program as she earns more that the eligibility sum. * since she says that she doesn't have money for divorce...will i have an upper-hand for custody of my two kids (13 & 10- girls). Currently i am paying for my kids school expences and food, except on weekends as they are home with their mom. My kids go to my parents plase everyday after school and only go home at about 9.00 pm everyday when the wife comes to fetch them. * one thing u are not right about is...that "she doesn't want to divorce"...any woman who doesnt want a divorce will certainly listen to what i have to say to her...not just walk out of the house! I have not spoken to her for sometime now....at-least that should have been a reason! She is in her ego now... Thx a lot SFKL you really help a lot people here...the one up there will certainly help u in your needs. 17 Jul, 2010 01:17:29

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) SFKL Let me see if I can answer your questions... So if i am right what you r saying is, that under family law its ok for one party to initiate a divorce and just ignore it and there's nothing legally wrong about it. Please correct if i am wrong. Initiating can be by filing the petition or just telling you by notice. Either way yes nothing legally wrong. One can threaten divorce and do nothing or file petition and don't turn up. * should i write to her solicitors and ask them to confirm on as to whether they are still acting for her or should i just ignore them, since they did not respond to my earlier letter in writing. Do you want to divorce? rather than putting anything in writing, make an appointment to see the solicitor in charge of the file and just ask what is going on. Don't put anything in writing without any confirmed terms, etc. *I am thinking of writing to her, for her to clarify on what her position is in the matter. I asume its ok if i write to her directly even if her sols are still acting for her, since we are still legally married. Please correct me if i'm wrong. Yes you can but again, can't you just meet up with her, call her, ask her in person? *I qualify for legal aid. So if i go and register my self for a JP, can she be accepted under the legal aid program as she earns more that the eligibility sum. I am not sure. You can go for legal aid, your wife can remain unrepresented actually, all she needs to do is to turn up in Legal Aid office to sign papers and then in court and say I agree. She need not be represented at all. * since she says that she doesn't have money for divorce...will i have an upper-hand for custody of my two kids (13 & 10- girls). Currently i am paying for my kids school expences and food, except on weekends as they are home with their mom. My kids go to my parents plase everyday after school and only go home at about 9.00 pm everyday when the wife comes to fetch them. Does she want custody of the children? If she does, it doesn't matter if she has money or not. You can continue to pay and you can pay her to take care of the children. Which is why it is important to talk to her and find out what she wants. Maybe she wants to see the children but not custody, so suggest custody to you, she can see anytime. But I would think the present arrangement is fine, with both of you working together towards bringing up your kid. But if you must have custody, no, money is not an issue. You can always provide for her and the children, remember that. Ask your girls, since they're 13 and 10. Do they want to live with you? If yes, THAT IS THE UPPER-HAND. * one thing u are not right about is...that "she doesn't want to divorce"...any woman who doesnt want a divorce will certainly listen to what i have to say to her...not just walk out of the house! I have not spoken to her for sometime now....at-least that should have been a reason! She is in her ego now... There are couples who can't bear to live with each other and yet stay married. I don't know what she is thinking, but if you think she must listen to you and everything you say, perhaps you may have identified your marital problem. Could it be lack of communication? Lack of understanding? Have you tried listening to her? Has she bothered to listen to you? Marriage is a 2 way thing. Sometimes as a divorce lawyer I feel more like a counsellor which I am not qualified to be one. But look, if you're set on divorce, call her up and meet with her and sit down and talk like 2 mature people sorting out the stuff, like writing a will sorting out your assets. If you don't want to divorce, call her up and meet with her and sit down and listen to what she has to say. My point is CALL HER UP AND MEET WITH HER AND SIT DOWN AND TALK. Thx a lot SFKL you really help a lot people here...the one up there will certainly help u in your needs. 19 Jul, 2010 11:37:59

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) Redhat Thx again SFKL your explanation is clear. U dont know this woman..u cant talk to her.. However b4 your reply, i wrote to her & asked her to revert on her position and asked her to revert within 48 hours, saying that if she doesnt than i will assume that she has chosen to ignore her notice.Also copied the same to her sols. (Hope i havent done anything dumb as i see your advice above) As i went to hand over the letter to her... after hearing my kids complain to me all the time...i said aloud so that she could hear...that "if anybody were scolding & hitting my kids without any reason in this house that i will opt to come and live here to ensure their wellness" Apparently after i left she began scolding and was giving a tough time to my kids. The next my kids told me that she has been calling my elder kid a "DOG" and what i heard next will be enough for any man to explode...it appeared that she was using vulgar words towards my elder kid and told her that she is not fit to her daughter as she (my kid) is sleeping with guys!!!!!!!!! and hit my kid on her head until she cried....#### what kind of creature is this woman ...saying such things to her 14 year old daughter just because they are close to me. I couldnt bear to see my kids go thru this situation and went to the that night to stay overnight..Man...all hell broke loose...as my wife was jumping and throwing things towards me, hit me several times, tore my t-shirt scratched my body till there were blood stains, threw my bag out of the window from the second floor...totally out of control...kids were shouting at her to stop..she never would...and when held her back as she to again throw out my things...she then said hah u have hit me now i will go and make a report..which she did and brought a dozen of cops to the house.. However b4 i went to the house i already had made a report saying that she is abusing my kids and as such i am going to the house.. She was asking the cops to chase me out...i showed my wounds and told them that i was the co owner, which made the cops to shut up..she was using every lie in the book to convince the cops...seeing that something was amiss the cops asked us to go to the station and make another report... These stupid guys in uniform they never help...they were suppose to take a statement from my daughter for my earlier report to which they have still yet to. The wife was somehow trying to get the kids to go with her...but knowing her.. they never did. As this is a family feud the cops as usual asked my wife to take the matter to court...which is when the idiot realised that she cant throw out of the house.. So taking few stuffs she left the house alone as she realised that the kids wont go with her.... Boy oh boy what a night...now i have even more questions....anyway Thx a lot SFKL. 21 Jul, 2010 00:34:10

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) Redhat Dear SFKL.... after reading the above pls help me with this..... Can my wife file an Originating Summons and try to get my kids b4 the divorce proceedings? Should i file the same b4 her or should i just wait and if she files then defend it? 21 Jul, 2010 20:38:29

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) SFKL A quick reply. Yes she can and you can fight it with a counterclaim so to speak. What you get is interim custody order, meaning couples separated or pending divorce the arrangement is such and such until decided or confirmed in final order that is the Decree Nisi. And if your children is above 7, and if you think they want to live with you, you can push for the judge to interview them because their opinion will be taken into consideration and likelihood of success is better unless your children don't want to live with you. Be that as it may, whoever gets interim custody, the other gets interim access. So worst situation, ask for generous interim access which includes overnight stays during weekends and holidays. NO judge should refuse that unless with good reasons; such as your children saying they don't want to live with you for too long a time. Get yourself a lawyer but be prepared to plead your own case as well. If you're sincere and genuine, the judge will be able to detect that and will look favourably on you. 22 Jul, 2010 10:09:30

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) SFKL WAIT! The children are with you? Yes? Then you file for interim custody. No? But your children want to follow you? Then go get them. There is no custody order so you can basically take them back. But do make a report before and after going just to put on record you intend to take the children back, seeking custody, getting a divorce. 22 Jul, 2010 10:12:09

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) Redhat To get interim custody...i must start with a OS is it? Yes the kids (10 & 14) are with me...she pleaded them to go with her the other day and has been calling them since then and asking them to come but they dont want to go. Sorry to ask again..can i wait and see if she files for interim custody and then plead my matter or should i do it first? Coz i'm financially limited. Thx a lot for the prompt reply. 22 Jul, 2010 20:23:08

RE:SFKL pls advice (modified 0 times) redhat With reference to the above ...is the OS suppose to be Ex-Parte? TQ 22 Jul, 2010 22:55:24

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